Nine Easy Steps For Properly Eating A Snowman

I received a tasty tennis ball snowman for Christmas. It turned out to complement the duck quite nicely. I have learned a few lessons over the years about how to properly devour a new toy. Being too aggressive may scare the people and result in a shortened period of enjoyment. There is an art to this. I will attempt to share my knowledge with this short tutorial based on my snowman.

Step 1: Give it some time and space. Attacking a new toy too quickly may result in a scared and unsatisfying toy. I concentrated on my duck for a couple of weeks in order to make the snowman feel safe.

Step 2: Build some trust. After giving the new toy some space, you can now start to establish trust. Without trust, you will never be able to get close to it. I did this by snuggling with the snowman during naps.

Step 3: Start slowly. Nibble on less painful extremities. With the snowman, the first thing I did was rip the puffy ball off of it's little hat.

Step 4: Incapacitate the toy. After this step, there will be virtually no chance of escape. I chose to remove an eye. The poor little snowman was only able to stumble around in circles after this step.

Step 5: Don't get scared if the toy screams. During the eyeball removal, the snowman let out a few squeeky pleas for help. It caught me off guard and I backed off for a day or too. In retrospect, the screams only prolonged the agony for the poor guy.

Step 6: Remove the vocal chords. In order to keep things quiet, I tore a hole in the back of the snowman's head and removed the squeeker. No more screams.

Step 7: Remove guts. I proceeded to remove the tasty insides of the snowman. Unfortunately, everytime I pulled out a nice snack size pile of snowman guts, my people would clean it up. I need to be more discrete in the future.

Step 8: Finish it off. Just to make sure the snowman was really dead, I removed it's head.

Step 9: Proudly pose for a picture with your conquest.