Merry Christmas, Part 3

We finished our Christmas celebrations this past Sunday with Grandma Polly and Papa Jerry. Santa had left some presents at their house and they brought them over along with some Bandana's BBQ...mmm...though I didn't actually get to eat any of it. Lily had a lot of fun opening more presents and really loves her new doll house. Click below for pictures. Katie and Greg are enjoying their presents too. They've been playing Super Mario Bros. Wii every night.

Wagner Christmas

Merry Christmas, Part 2 - Christmas Morning

Christmas morning was a lot of fun this year. Lily was really into opening presents and the first thing she said when she woke up was "Where's Santa?" After opening presents she played with some of her stuff and then got ready to go to Grandma Polly and Papa Jerry's house for their annual gathering. She actually posed for some pictures before Baldy took her over there. I think this was the first time she stood still and smiled on command.

I feel the need to mention that Santa didn't bring me anything on Christmas morning...again. I'm not bitter though.

Here are some more pictures.

Christmas Morning 2009

Henry Dean

It's been busy around here this week. On Saturday, my people went to their church's Christmas Drummer Boy service. All of that drumming must've disturbed the baby in my girl person's belly because they came home and were talking about contractions and how maybe they should get their bag ready. I guess nothing ever came of that though because they went to a Christmas party that night and came home just like normal.

On Sunday, they spent the day celebrating Christmas with Baldy's family from out of town. Then, in the wee hours of Monday morning, things got weird. Around 3:30 a.m. (yes, I can read the clock) my girl person woke up and started turning lights on. She woke up Baldy and said something about her water breaking. She made a couple of phone calls, they both started getting bags together for everyone in the family and then Grandma Polly showed up at the house. I had no idea what was going on. My people left and I didn't see them again for several days. I went to stay at Grandma Polly and Papa Jerry's house and when I came home, this was waiting for me...

This is Henry Dean. He was born on December 21 at 6:09 a.m. I'm just a dog, so math isn't my strong suit. However, if I calculate correctly, that's only about 2-1/2 hours after all the commotion started at home. He weighed 6 lbs. 11 oz. and was 20" long. I hear he had to spend a day in the Special Care Nursery because he had a little fluid in his lungs, but everything's fine now.

I'm an old pro at this baby thing now. When I got home I just sniffed him and then went to my spot on the bed. I perk up a bit when he cries, but generally leave him alone. Sometimes I hear my people comment on how he already has dog hair on his stuff and sometimes in his mouth. That makes me smile on the inside.

You can click here to view his professional hospital pictures. Click on the picture below to see pictures from their stay at the hospital.

Baby Henry - Hospital

Merry Christmas, Part 1

Lily visited Santa Claus last week. She wasn't scared of him at all this year. When it was her turn, she ran right up to him and sat on his lap. He asked what she wanted for Christmas and she answered "Toys". I think she kept it nice and generic just to cover all her bases.

My very pregnant girl person (more on that development a little later in a different post) had to steal this picture of Lily with Santa. Did you know that the mall they were at required a minimum purchase of a $20 picture package if you wanted to use your own camera to take a picture?! Call my people cheap, but they thought that was a tad ridiculous, so when the elves weren't looking Katie pulled out her camera and snapped a quick pic. Santa looked at her a bit like she may have just been moved to the naughty list, but oh well. Katie quickly ushered Lily off his lap and they went on their way. Really, this isn't a bad picture for such a sneak attack.

This past Sunday my people celebrated Christmas with Baldy's side of the family. Lily got to see her Aunt and Uncle and play with her cousins that are from South Carolina. She had a blast and all of the kids enjoyed their presents. Click on the picture below to see the album.

Stewart Christmas

We'll be celebrating with Katie's family this weekend, so stay tuned for some more pictures.

I'm Offended

I just heard my little person say "Don't touch Norm. He's kind of yucky. He has dog hair on him." She has also taken to brushing the dog hair off the bed (an impossible task...mwahaha) while saying "I'm brushing the dog off." I'm afraid she's going to have issues in this house if she has a problem with my dog hair. Just sayin'.

Three Year Check Up

Lily went to the doctor today. My tall girl person said she did great! She let the doctor do everything he needed to do with no tears at all. I'm sure it helped that no needles were involved this time. She chatted and laughed the entire time. She even wanted to sit on the exam table all by herself instead of in my tall (and round) girl person's lap (not that there's much lap left for her to sit on at the moment). The doctor says she's healthy and he has no concerns. She's still in the 10th percentile for weight...27.5 lbs....just like she has been pretty much since birth. She's been stuck at this weight since February, but that seems to be the norm for her. She's 37-1/2" tall, putting her in the 50th percentile for height. They took her blood pressure for the first time at this visit and she did great with that too. She's seen my tall (and round) girl person get that done a ton at her prenatal visits, so no worries there. That's probably also why she wanted to sit on the exam table by herself too. The doctor also said it looks like her 2-year molars are about to pop through. About time, don't you think? I mean, she is 3 years old now. Ha! All in all, it sounds like it was a pleasant doctor's visit. They'll see him again in January (hopefully a little earlier) when he checks out Baby #2.

Happy 3rd Birthday!

Three years ago today, my little person was born.

Boy, I did not know what to make of her when my people brought her home.

We're buddies now (for the most part), but judging by the huge bump in my big girl person's belly, I'm in for another shock soon. I'll worry about that later though.

Last night my people celebrated Lily's birthday with the grandparents. Of course, I didn't get to celebrate with them since I was confined to my "house" in the basement for the duration of the party. It sounded like they had a good time though. I hear Lily wasn't afraid of the "fire" on her cake at all this year and blew out the candle like a champ. She loves all of her gifts and can't figure out how to play with and wear everything all at the same time.


You can click on the picture below to view the entire album.

Lily's 3rd Birthday

Lumberjack

Baldy has some flannel pajama pants that we call his lumberjack pants. Whenever he wears them they sing Monty Python's Lumberjack song. Well, the two lines that they know..."I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day." If you're not familiar, the video is here. Now Lily has picked up on what's going on and sings her own version.

Does This Angle Make My Butt Look Big?

A Conversation with Lily

Lily has a little cut above her lip. I think she either got it from a tissue or from a fingernail. It's not bad, but is of course timed perfectly for the pictures they're planning to take tomorrow. In any case, my tall girl person has been putting some Neosporin on it. Before bed this evening, Lily asked for some medicine and Katie obliged. After being put to bed, Lily started crying. More like whimpering, not really crying. This was the conversation that transpired when Katie checked on her.

Katie: "What's wrong?"

Lily: "I need medicine."

Katie "We just put some medicine on your cut. You don't need any more."

Lily: Whimpering continues. "I need a tissue."

Katie: "Why do you need a tissue?"

Lily: "Because I'm kind of sad that I can't have medicine."

Fun With Forts

Greg and Lily have been building and playing in forts lately. It makes for great after dinner entertainment.







The only problem is that they end up being Lily sized. I think my favorite part of the video below is when she says "You're kind of really stuck?" Also, the maniacal laugh when she knocks everything over.

A Special Post

This post is for Uncle Eric. Baldy and the little one were coloring the other night when she started telling him what to draw and label on the paper. I can't begin to interpret all of the different doodles, but I do know she specifically asked for Uncle Eric to be in a green dress. Baldy was all too happy to oblige. :)

Halloween 2009

Lily had a lot of fun this Halloween. She dressed up as Snow White and went to a Trunk or Treat at Grandma and Grandpa Stewart's church. She loved getting (and eating!) candy and then running all the sugar off on the parking lot. You can click on the picture below to see the whole album. I even threw in some pics of her playing in the leaves for good measure. :)

Fall/Halloween 2009

Now we're all just working on adjusting to the time change and figuring out how to ration out the leftover candy.

Boo at the Zoo 2009

My people went to Boo at the Zoo one evening last week. They thought since they were going to the zoo, it would be appropriate for Lily to wear her tiger costume from last year. Luckily, it still fit. It was a gorgeous evening to walk around outside and Lily had a lot of fun looking at all of the Halloween scenes they had set up. Click on the picture below to see the whole album.

Boo at the Zoo 2009

Saturday Night Entertainment

Did you know Baldy has a secret talent? He can juggle. Lily finds this very amusing. It bothers me though because he does it with my tennis balls. The nerve of him. Saturday evening, he put his skills on display. Oh, my tall girl person does not have the hidden talent of being a good videographer. My apologies on the poor quality and bright light in the background.



Yeah, we're thinking about hiring him out for birthday parties. Also, in case you missed it, the "stage" is one of Lily's books.

Of course, after watching him display his awesome trick, Lily decided to give it a shot.



On an unrelated note, Lily keeps telling us random, hilarious things. Yesterday she was on the potty when Katie asked if she'd like some privacy. Lily answered, "No, I don't want privacy. I want privacy on Tuesday." Alrighty, then. We'll mark the calendar.

Then on Saturday night after she went to bed, she was talking to herself. My people overheard her say, "I'm going to wear my jammies to church and then tell the teacher it's silly to wear jammies to church." Where does she come up with this stuff?

New Big Girl Bike

Some friends of Grandma and Grandpa Wagner were nice enough to give Lily a big girl bike (with training wheels, of course) they had. Grandma and Grandpa brought it over yesterday. Lily loves it! There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth when we had to come inside after playing with it.


I'd say she has officially graduated from her tricycle, though she's still working on steering and pedaling at the same time (she's only ridden it once, but I learned to stay in the garage to avoid her). And pedaling uphill. I'm sure she'll be practicing a lot in the coming days and weeks though while the weather is still nice.

Pumpkin Patch 2009

Lily's friend Spencer is turning 3. To celebrate, his parents had a low key playdate at Theis Farm in Maryland Heights. Of course, Spencer and Lily liked different activities, so they didn't really play together all that much. That's ok though. Everyone had a good time. You can click on the picture to see the whole album.

Pumpkin Patch 2009

On their way home, my people saw the Pattonville Homecoming Parade going by. They stopped to let Lily take it all in. She wasn't really sure what to think. It brought back many memories for my tall girl person since she had to work on a float every year for her high school homecomings. Her freshman year, they put so much crap on her dad's truck that the truck flooded and stalled. The freshman football team had to push the truck through the parade to the end. Good times.

Skunks

Lily has a book from the library right now that has a picture of a skunk in it. Every time she sees it she says, "Don't touch the striped skunk. It kind of stinks." More words of wisdom.

The Moon

Lily has been a little obsessed with the moon lately. She's always asking where it is, pointing it out in the sky when she can see it, telling us "fun facts" about it (the moon doesn't have hands and doesn't wear jammies), etc. Right now it's dark out, but cloudy. She asked where the moon was and Katie told her it was probably covered by clouds and couldn't be seen. Lily then went to the back door, opened it and yelled into the backyard, "Moon...where are you?? Moon...where are you?" I wonder what the neighbors must think?

Magazines

Baldy and the little one enjoy reading Sports Illustrated together.

It's About That Time

My people are excited about Tiger football starting and will be attending the Mizzou/Illini game this Saturday. I believe this sums it up best...

In Case You Were Wondering

Tonight Lily informed my people that "the moon doesn't wear jammies."

South Carolina Vacation

My people have been home from vacation for a week. They went to Kiawah Island, SC with Grandpa Jerry, Grandma Polly, Uncle Eric, Aunt Melissa and Lily's cousins Maddie, Nate and Avery. Meanwhile, I got my own little vacation here in St. Louis at Grandma Gail and Grandpa Dean's house.

My people had a lot of fun playing in the sun and were pleasantly surprised at how well Lily did on the long drive there and back. They split the drive up into two days, but on the way there they were able to stop in Columbia, SC to visit Uncle Tim, Aunt Gretchen and Lily's other cousins Ben and Sam. Lily got some good playing in before having to get back in the car to finish the journey to Kiawah.

While in Kiawah, they played on the beach, in the ocean and in the pool. Lily also got to ride in a bike trailer for the first time and seemed to really enjoy it. One afternoon they went to a snake talk where Lily got to pet two live snakes. She loved it. Another afternoon, she got to hang out with the grandparents and cousins while my people went to Charleston, SC with Eric and Melissa. They enjoyed the shops and a nice dinner and were even able to meet up with some St. Louis friends who happened to be vacationing in the same area at that time.

Coming home they got some words of wisdom from Lily such as "Don't poke a snake in the mouth" and "Tennessee doesn't have hands." Funny stuff. To top off the trip, Greg got to clean up a dead mouse under the sink as soon as he walked in the door. That thing must've died as soon as they left because the house stunk! Not cool.

Anyway, if you'd like to look at all of the pictures (don't worry, there aren't any of the dead mouse), just click on the album below.

Kiawah Island, SC August 2009

Baby #2 Pictures

My people had their 20-week ultrasound yesterday. Here are some pictures they brought home. And, no, they didn't find out the sex of the baby. :-)

In this one, the baby is upside down. The head is at the bottom, the spine along the left side and the legs up along the top.

Here the baby is still upside down, this time with an open mouth.

This one is a body shot with the heart and bladder labeled.

And this one is a nice foot shot.

Pancakes!

Baldy and the girl made pancakes for breakfast on Sunday. My girl person snapped a picture and really liked it. I thought I'd share.

Whenever my people make pancakes, they always bring up this completely random scene in a bad movie they saw a while back, Cabin Fever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq_2GOoFaXE

Looks like an awesome movie, no?

Camp Crafts

Well, toddler camp is officially over. I think it's safe to say that Lily had a blast. We really don't know what she did at camp. The only information she offered up was that she "played with other kids" and "shared toys". A couple times she said she "played with trains". My people noticed that she was peddling her tricycle all by herself and later found out that she had been practicing that at camp as well. Everyday she'd come home with a new craft. I'm not sure I got a picture of everything she made, but I got quite a few. You can click on the picture below to see the entire album.

Camp Crafts

A Revelation

This morning Lily really wanted me to play blocks with her. She followed me around with her container of blocks asking "Norm, play blocks with you?". (Translation: "Norm, play blocks with me.") I wasn't interested in playing so I hopped up on my people's bed to settle in for my morning nap. Katie told Lily, "Baby, I don't think Norm wants to play blocks right now." Lily answered, "Yeah, Norm doesn't have hands." And there you have it. I can't play with blocks because I don't have hands.

One Spoiled Snake

The other day, Lily put her doll on the coffee table...


so her snake could ride in the stroller.



According to her, the snake was "crying" and needed a ride to feel better.

A Nice Walk...Sort Of

I got to take a nice, long walk this morning. Too bad it was to the vet for the dreaded nail trim. My happy pills don't seem to be doing the trick anymore, so they're going to up my dose a bit. We'll see what that does next time. Of couse, I'm very tired and glassy-eyed now...after the fact. I guess that adrenaline rush I get at the vet is enough to overpower the drugs my people give me. I hate the vet. On the up side though, there was a nice older couple there who seemed very fond of me. They kept commenting that I was "a good-looking dog". They've got that right!

Of course, I didn't look quite this loopy while I was actually at the vet. That couple may have a different opinion if they saw me now. Do I look pathetic or what?

Fun with a Snake

Lily has been going to Toddler Camp twice a week this summer. This past session was about "Creepy Crawlies" and she was able to color her own wooden snake. She loves it. She snuggles with it, hugs it, gives it kisses, etc. Well, her South Carolina cousins were in town last week and she figured out that not only are snakes cuddly, they can also be used to scare people. She likes to play on the bed with me during the day. Yesterday, she brought her snake up to scare me. I believe her exact words were "I scare Norm. It'll be fun." Fortunately, a little wooden snake doesn't scare me. Anyway, she was up playing with me while my tall girl person was in the living room. After a few minutes, Katie came to check on us and found that Lily had made herself comfortable. She had moved all the pillows out of the way and curled up under the covers...

...with her snake.

Of course, it was all fun and games until she peed in the bed. Even I don't do that. Not cool. The only redeeming thing, was that it happened on Baldy's side. :)

Embarrassing

My people came home from a BBQ yesterday evening to find me cowering under the sofa table, pinned between the love seat and wall. And all they did was laugh. I'm surprised they didn't try to get a picture. I hate fireworks.

Squirming and Squealing

Lily played in her pool the other day. She had a blast and did quite the song and dance when Greg poured water on her.

Anniversary

Eight years ago today my people got married. Happy anniversary.

Happy Father's Day!

Then...

Now...

Another One?

So, I've been told that another person will be coming to live with us in early January. My people are very excited, but I'm not so sure about it. Maybe since I've been around a baby once already, I won't have to hide out in the bedroom quite as much the second time around. Now I'm used to all the hugs, kisses, pretend horseback riding, etc. that comes with a kiddo. I don't even get up and leave right away anymore. I'm almost like a real family dog again. :)

Keeping an Eye on Things

Lily went to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up visit. Back at her 2 year check-up, they noticed that she had an astigmatism in her right eye. It didn't seem to be affecting her vision at all, but they wanted her to come back in 6 months to check on it. So, my tall girl person took her in yesterday. Thankfully, it seems to have corrected itself with no harm done. They'll check it again at her 3 year appointment. While they were there, they went ahead and checked her weight (up to a whopping 26.5 lbs.), her temperature (which she did not like having done, even though they check under her arm just like mom and dad do at home), and the usual listen to her heart business. The doctor was going to check her teeth and ears, but she wasn't having any of that. Thankfully, there are no concerns about either, so it wasn't a big deal to skip that part. Looks like my people have a bit of preparation to do with her before her 3 year check-up. Perhaps a doctor's kit and a book about what to expect at the doctor's office are in order. My girl person tried to prep Lily before this visit and Lily seemed very gung-ho and excited about it, but got cold feet once they got to the office. Better luck next time.

Happy Camper

Lily started Toddler Camp this morning. She'll be going for three hours, two mornings a week. She was really excited about it and seemed to do well. It turns out that one of the teachers is our neighbor and her son is in it also. The tall girl and I have been trying to get info from Lily about what they did, but all she says is that she "played with toys and other kids." My tall girl tried asking specific questions, "Did you go outside?", "Is there a playground?", "Did you paint?", "Did you play with a parachute?", etc. and Lily answers "Yes" to every question. Not sure if that's because she actually did all of those things or because she just answers yes to yes/no questions. I'll be curious to hear what she tells Baldy when he gets home from work. In any case, it sounds like she had fun and the teachers said she did well. Weather permitting, my tall girl person will be going with her to Aquaport Friday morning for a little free swim time with the other campers.

My tall person spent her free time this morning working out and then washing the car. Did you know our car is actually black and not dusty gray? Go figure.

Bye Bye Birdie

The attic has one less tenant. I would like to tell you that I took care of him all on my own, but that would not be fair to baldy. It turns out that one little birdie worked his way down into the walls and found his way all the way to the basement. My guy person caught him in a bucket and let him free in the back yard. That is when I picked up on the trail. Once again, my excellent hunting instincts kicked in and I took care of business. Terrified, flightless, baby birds don't have a chance when I am around.

There are currently no chirps coming from the attic. It's possible that all the residents are gone now. I guess we'll find out tonight.

What a Trip!

I'm home from my week long stay with my cousins. I had a great time relaxing. I even got to lay out in the yard while my cousins' people planted flowers. In the past, I haven't been trusted to stay in the yard, but I've learned the boundaries and now stay put.

I hear my people had a lot of fun on their trip to Gulf Shores, AL. Judging from the pictures, they spent all of their time on the beach. Lily had been talking a big game about swimming in the ocean. My people thought she'd end up being scared of it, but it sounds like she had zero fear. Sounds like it was a great trip! You can click on the picture below to see the entire album.

Gulf Shores Trip May 16, 2009 - May 23, 2009

On an unrelated note, we have birds stuck in our attic again. I wonder if we'll have another situation like this?

Happy Mother's Day

Playing Outside

The other day after dinner, we went outside to play in the yard. While we were out there, I got a big hug from my littlest person. You can tell I'm enjoying it.

She also played catch with Baldy and had a blast doing it!

Earlier that day, my tall girl person was going through things to donate to charity. She came across an extra infant bath tub. She plans to set it out with the other stuff, but I'm not sure Lily will let her. She seems to think it's her own personal lounge chair.

You can click on the picture below to see the entire album.

Playing Outside 5-6-09

Vacation Time

In about two weeks my people (and Bailey Dog's people) will be in Gulf Shores staying in this condo...
...enjoying this view.

I will be spending the week with my cousins Nome and Hawkeye (Sadie Mae, too!).

I'm looking forward to it because I'll have my own wingback chair to sit in and there won't be any small people trying to ride me like a horse.

Giddy-Up

So, the other day I was standing at the back door watching over my domain when the little one came over and started petting me. All of a sudden she got super excited and ran away. She came back with her step stool from the bathroom, plopped it down next to me and said "I ride Norm." Hmm, this can't be good. She proceeded to stand on her step stool and try to hike her leg over my back. Fortunately a) I was in a good mood and b) she wasn't able to actually climb onto my back, so I didn't even flinch. I just waited for my big girl person to laugh and say, "Baby, we don't ride Norm like a horse." She hopped off her stool and left me alone. She did try again a little bit later though, this time with a burp cloth over my back like a saddle (I'm not sure if she knew that's what she was doing or if she just happened to throw a burp cloth over my back...a burp cloth she dug out of a drawer from her old room). Sadly, my tall girl person wasn't able to capture any of this on camera.

Easter Weekend 2009

My little person had a busy weekend and got to spend lots of time with all the grandparents. Friday night she spent the night with Grandma and Grandpa Stewart. They did some shopping and played at the park. Then on Saturday my people met all the grandparents at Webster Groves Baptist Church for an Easter egg hunt. Lily got to do some arts and crafts and then collect eggs and candy. The weather was so nice that all the kids played on the playground afterwards. After church and a nap on Sunday, everyone went to Grandma and Grandpa Wagner's for dinner. Lily got to hunt for some more eggs at their house and got a few presents. She thought she was hot stuff in the Easter jewelry Grandma Polly put in her basket. The set came with clip on earrings and everything. She also loved the shoes that came with one of the outfits Grandma Gail got her. She had to put them on as soon as she saw them. She is definitely a shoe girl. As usual, you can click on the picture below to see the whole photo album.

Easter Weekend 2009

Future T-Ball Player

On one of the many trips to Target recently, my people purchased a t-ball set for Lily. The weather was gorgeous this past Saturday, so they decided to pull it out and see what she does. She had a blast swinging the bat and running around. Now they just need to work with her on how to hold the bat correctly.

Here's a video. They were laughing at how she counts to 8 before swinging.



You can click on the picture below to see all the photos in the album.

T-Ball Set

Decorating Eggs

The fam decorated some Easter eggs on Sunday. Lily had a lot of fun putting stickers on them...probably because the stickers were Sesame Street characters. :)



You can click on the picture below to view the whole album.

Decorating Easter Eggs

I thought we were going to spend a lazy/relaxing Sunday around the house, but then my people surprised me by trimming my nails. That is not considered "relaxing" by this dog. I was still depressed about the Tiger loss on Saturday though, so I didn't put up as much of a fight as I have in the past. My people were shocked they were able to accomplish their goal. They couldn't remember the last time they even tried to trim my nails. They gave up a long, long time ago and started taking me to the vet to have it done. I've been a part of this family for 6 years now and that was the first time they were able to trim all of my nails. We'll see what happens the next time they try.

Easter Egg Hunt - Take 1

Saturday my people took Lily to her first Easter Egg hunt. The first she's ever been to and the first of this year (she's going to another one Easter weekend). It was at their church and Lily had a lot of fun. The weather was awful, cold and rainy, but fortunately everything was already scheduled to be inside. One of the people there said that last year they had about 700 kids. This year they expected about 1000. They had 24,000 easter eggs ready to go.

They broke the egg "hunts" into different age groups. The first was Lily's, 0-36 months. They had all of the eggs on the floor in the middle of the gym. Everyone lined up along the edge of the basketball court and waited for the whistle. When the whistle blew, it was a free-for-all to grab the eggs. She caught on quick to what she was supposed to do. Here's a quick video of her picking up eggs.



After that part was over, they went to visit the Easter Bunny. She wasn't a big fan of Santa, so my people weren't sure what to expect with the bunny. They thought she would probably scream, but decided to try anyway. She loved him! She had a big smile on her face. While they were in line for the Easter Bunny, they saw that a fire truck was outside and kids were being allowed to sit in the front seat. Lily loves fire trucks, so that was the next stop.

You can click on the picture below to see the whole album of photos.

Easter Egg Hunt at Grace Church 3-28-09

You'll notice the whole family is dressed in black and gold. This is because our beloved Tigers were playing UConn in the Elite Eight of the NCAA Tournament that afternoon. Unfortunately they lost, but they put up a good fight and had an incredible season. Go Tigers!

Double Yolk Tuesdays

Baldy went camping this weekend and wants to tell you about it. Here is his story. It's a bit long. I hope you enjoy it.


Here are a couple of highlights from my weekend. Some of you know various parts of this story, but I don't think anybody has heard it all yet. Most people haven't heard any of this yet. I started to write an e-mail earlier today to explain it, and realized there was just too much.

This past weekend (mid March), I went camping and fishing with Steve and Christian. I guess you could say it was like a bachelor party, but instead of someone getting married, Steve was about became a dad. His wife is due with their first child in early May. We thought it would be fun to get out for a guys only weekend before Steve went into daddy mode. We settled on a weekend of fun at a small canoe rental & campground near Steelville, MO. The place is owned by a crusty old Marine vet. The overall experience felt like it was straight out of a movie. The best summary I can come up with is a cross between Napoleon Dynamite and Deliverance.

We arrived at the campground around lunch time on Friday. The first thing we noticed when we pulled up was the large number of chickens with lots of roosters mixed in. There was a small dog running around with the roosters. Everyone seemed to get along just fine. Upon entering the small country store/office area, several things jumped out at me.
#1 There is a cot in the store area with well worn bedding.
#2 The cot is positioned so anyone using it can watch a large TV. Every time we were in there, the TV was tuned to something related to NASCAR.
#3 There is a small table with a shotgun sitting on it.
#4 There are 2 loose shotgun shells on the chair next to the table.

During our initial conversation with Skip the owner, Steve asked about the shotgun. Skip said, "Oh, that's my dog catcher." Apparently the area dogs like to go after his chickens. He continued, "... a neighbor will ask if I have seen their dog. I'll say, is it red? They say no, and I tell them it is now!" I understand the need to protect the chickens, but I think I would refrain from telling paying customers the true purpose of the "Dog Catcher".

Friday afternoon, one of the workers drove us up the river to drop us off. We never caught his name, but I'll call him Bob. We followed Bob to where we would pull off the river and parked my vehicle. Then we rode in the Suburban with Bob to the starting point. Steve and I noticed a couple empty Natural Light cans in the back, but didn't think much of it.

During our short drive, Bob assured us that this stretch of the river was great for catching small mouth bass. Recently, a couple of guys caught 40-50 fish each. He also warned us about a couple tricky spots in the river where we might need to just pull off and carry the canoes.

After we got the canoes off the trailer, we were getting everything ready to go before putting in. Bob had pulled away, did a U-turn and was driving back by us. As he passed, he was drinking a fresh Nattie. I thought back to the empties in the back and wondered if they were still cold. The time on the river was uneventful. We stretched 3 miles into 6 hrs of fishing. I caught 0 fish, but enjoyed being outside. It was a beautiful day. We navigated the tricky sections with no problems and finally got off the river around 7:00.

On our way back into the campground, we stopped by the office to let them know we were back. We chatted with Skip a bit while there. Like most crusty old fishermen, Skip likes to tell stories. His obvious favorite was the time him and Bob were fishing. He hooked a fish and started reeling it in, but his line snapped. He insisted he had a fish, but Bob thought it was more likely he had snagged a tree. Skip tied on another lure and cast out to the same spot. He quickly hooked a fish. This time he got it all the way in. Once he got it in the boat, he saw there was a second lure hooked on the fish's mouth. Skip then looked at us with a serious look in his eye and said, "I sh** you not. It was this big." He held his hands wide like all fishermen do when telling stories. We gave him the obligatory impressed looks and went on our way.

We went back to get the fire started and get our tasty kabobs cooking. The evening was a typical night of guys camping; drinking, eating, talking, laughing and lots of fire poking. We all piled into my condo tent around midnight to get some sleep. It was a bit cold and I forgot to bring extra blankets. I survived the night by wearing lots of layers, including a winter hat and by holding a couple of Hot Hands packets. At various times throughout the night, we heard coyotes howling. At one point, it sounded like they were on either side of our tent discussing whether or not there was anything worth eating in our tent. A bit later, I heard the chickens go nuts and a dog started barking. There were no shotgun blasts though. Around 4:30, 50 roosters started crowing. This continued until we were all up for the day, well after 7 am. Needless to say, I did not sleep well.

I started that morning with an overwhelming urge to find a bathroom. My options were a long hike to the office to look for public facilities, a tree, or the outhouse about 4 campsites down from us. I chose to christen the outhouse for the new season. It was far from the best bathroom I had ever used, but it sure as heck beat leaning against a tree. I only provide this personal detail because it helps lead into another bathroom story later on.

After everyone was up we got the fire going and started working on breakfast. We cooked up some egg beaters and sausage links using Steve's camp stove while letting a pot of coffee percolate. After a quick discussion, we all agreed that we were too old and too tired to spend another night out in the elements. We decided to definitely not camp again that night, but hoped it would warm up enough for us to go back out on the river. We waited an hour or so, while we started packing up the site. We left most of the stuff in the tent and headed up to the office around 9. It was 46 degrees.

In the office, we found Skip, his grandson (7 or 8 yrs old), and Bob the driver sitting in the dark watching some sort of racing program and drinking beer (not the kid). There were several empty cans littered around the store/office. We chatted for a bit. Bob was disappointed with our lack of fishing success the previous day. He told Skip about the 2 guys who caught so many fish on that stretch except this time, they caught 50-60 a piece. He then independently confirmed Skip's story from the previous day about the fish with 2 hooks in his mouth. This gave Skip a chance to repeat his line, "I sh** you not. It was this big" while holding his hands out wide.

We were a bit worried about the weather. Bob dubbed himself an amateur meteorologist and checked the forecast for us. He determined that there was rain in the area but it wouldn't hit us. He also told us there was a high of 58 forecast for the day. I was skeptical as I had been monitoring the temperature with my car's thermometer. It had been pegged at 46 degrees since I got up. I must admit, I was a bit crabby and not feeling well after our campfire breakfast. I was not excited about the coming day. My insides were still a bit unsettled from my earlier trip to the outhouse. I thought about suggesting we call it a day and head home right then. But, I knew Steve and Christian really wanted to get back out on the river. I inquired about a real bathroom and learned there was a public men's restroom with free showers around back. I took advantage of this perk while my friends went back to get our gear together for a day on the river.

This camp ground bathroom with free hot showers was certainly better than the outhouse. That's the best thing I can say about it. There were two stalls with doors made out of unfinished pressed wood. An old towel was draped over the edge of the sink near the shower stall and some flip flops were in the corner. As I did my business, I noticed empty beer cans on nearly every flat surface above the floor. I thought back to the previous morning when Bob told us he was planning to clean the restrooms that had not been cleaned since the previous fall. At that time, I assumed they had not been used for the past several months. I was obviously wrong. While I pondered this, I realized that there was just a thin metal wall between my backside and the office. I could hear Bob talking to a co-worker as if they were in the next stall. I knew this meant they could hear me just as easily. I told myself that their early morning beer consumption would hamper their hearing, but I tried to be discrete anyway.

I listened to Bob tell the co-worker about two Texans who dumped their canoe in the middle of the hot summer. He had warned them to not wear waders, that they might fill up in the river and pull them under. It was plenty warm and waders were unnecessary. The guys were excited about fishing and wanted to use all of their top of the line gear. Bob laughed as he related how the guys finished their float with no poles and said, "We almost drowned!". It turns out they lost their gear in the deep fast water of the tricky turn Bob had warned us about. Bob assured them that someone would pull it out and turn it in. If it showed up, he would ship it to Texas. After they left the office, Bob grabbed Skip and proceeded to the same stretch of river looking for fishing treasure. He made several dives to the bottom and collected $400-500 worth of poles and tackle while Skip fished the hole. He figured anyone stupid enough to wear waders on a float trip when it is 100 degrees did not deserve to get all of that stuff back.

The co-worker related a story of how she once caught a trout while wading in the river. When she released it, it followed her back to the shore. She watched as it kissed her foot and swam away. She insisted it was a very spiritual moment. Bob just laughed.

I finished up and walked back to the campsite to help get our gear together for another day on the river. We did the same thing as Friday. We followed Bob to the pullout (a different one this time) and then rode with him to the put-in. This time, he purposely avoided the main roads (i.e. paved) and babbled on about cops operating a speed trap. The last thing he needed was to be pulled over hauling a trailer with no plates after already having 2 beers that morning. Bob assured us the trailer was legal. While bouncing along the gravel back road, passing hand painted signs saying "Keep Out, Private Property", he cracked open a Nattie and then asked if we minded if he had one. I thought it best to just go along with him and keep quiet. He then shared how the the previous day while we were fishing, him and another worker split a bottle of Crown Royal and went out on the river for a bit. I guess that is why the bathrooms did not get cleaned.

We soon came across a cow standing in the road. Bob stopped, cussed a bit and told me to get out and tug on the cow's ear. I laughed and said, "No way. I'm not touching that cow. I'm a city boy." So, slightly buzzed Bob hopped out, gave a little yell and the cow moved along. We continued on our way up the river.

Oh, when we were loading our gear in the suburban that morning, Bob noticed that Christian had a can of Skoal with him and asked if he could have some. He spent the entire 15 minute drive spitting in a cup & drinking his Nattie. ugh. After dropping us off, Christian or Steve offered him a Bud Light. He gladly accepted. That means he was on his way to having 4 beers in him before noon.

This time, we covered 9 miles in 6 hrs. We started slow and spent a lot of time fishing a few good holes near the start. Once again, I caught 0 fish. It was a chilly morning on the river. I had 3 layers on my upper body along with my winter hat. My jogging pants pulled up a bit when I sat so that my sock-less ankles were exposed and cold. I did everything I could to avoid stepping in the river. I knew wet shoes would be a bad idea. Fortunately, the sun came out in the afternoon and made things a little better. I came to appreciate that when Steve and I got caught in a current headed for a narrow passage between 2 downed trees. I hopped out in the knee deep water and grabbed the canoe to prevent the inevitable tippage. It was cold, but the sun was out and I warmed up again quickly enough.

Later on, we encountered another cow. This time, a big white cow stared us down as we approached a cattle crossing. Immediately after the crossing area, two downed trees blocked the river. We pulled off on the gravel bar. We then noticed a mama cow with two babies staring at us from the bank. She started pawing the ground as if she were getting ready to charge. We quickly carried our canoes around the tree, but waited to watch the cows. Eventually, mama and her two kids made their way across the river. The water came up to well over the mama's knees. I was a little afraid the baby would float away, but he made it. The first big cow continued to stare at us until we left. It was a bit creepy.

After several hours on the river, we decided to start pushing harder to make sure we finished before dark. As we approached the pullout around 5:00, I decided to take one final cast for good measure. As I cast, something seemed odd. I looked up at my pole and realized the upper 6 inches were missing. I reeled in my lure and found the missing piece hanging on the line. I was a bit confused as to how this happened until I remembered that at one point, Steve lost his balance and fell backward off his seat onto the bottom of the canoe and my pole. I was not too upset about the cheap pole. It had not caught a single fish for me in two days of trying.

Upon returning to the camp ground, we packed up our stuff and headed to the office to settle the bill. We spotted Skip around back with a few employees and family members. Skip was holding a headless featherless chicken over a large pot on a makeshift table. They waved us on back. It turns out that they were in the middle of butchering chickens. Their goal was to do 20; 5 that day, 5 the next day, and 10 more the following weekend. There was quite a bit of chicken blood splattered around. Their dog was running around trying to lick it all up. We learned that the grand kids get to pick the chickens that are next in line. They took great joy in singling out the mean ones. The young grandson attempted to tell Christian something, but he sounded a bit like the old chicken farmer from Napoleon Dynamite. Christian just smiled and nodded, not having a clue as to what the boy said.

Skip went off to wash his hands and instructed the boy to let us into the office. After paying the bill, Christian offered his remaining Skoal to Skip. Christian only uses the stuff when fishing or camping. He was either going to give it away or pitch it. Skip glanced at it and reluctantly accepted. He pointed out that mint Skoal gives him heartburn. He prefers regular. He further explained that he had chewed Copenhagen for 34 yrs until he got sick and had surgery on his mouth and jaw. He did not provide details but we all assumed cancer of some sort. After his surgery, he couldn't stand the taste of Copenhagen anymore. So, he switched to Skoal. Apparently Skip did not see the connection between 34 years of chewing tobacco and his illness.

We started asking about the chickens. That is when we discovered he had 150. I asked an innocent question about how many eggs they produce each day. Skip said they get up to 40 a day. Steve followed up with an equally innocent question about whether they sell them at a farmer's market or something. Skip's response was, "No. We eat the f*** out of those eggs." He went into detail about a favorite egg dish of his. I don't recall all of it but I think it involved a dozen eggs, some syrup, sugar, milk and maybe some powdered sugar to go on top. Skip was practically drooling as he described it.

I guess Skip liked us. He gave us each a dozen farm fresh eggs that had never even seen the ice box. By the looks of them, they had not been scrubbed or cleaned like the nice white ones you get at Schnuck's. Skip must have gathered them himself. He had us open the cartons so he could point out special eggs. One in particular he identified as a double yolker. I guess that is good, but that sounds a bit weird to me. He then told us that each week they have "Double Yolk Tuesday" as a little something to keep the kids going.

We took our eggs and headed home. I dropped off Steve and Christian and made it to my house around 8:30. I was exhausted and ready for a long hot shower with no empty beer cans in sight. Katie and Lily were hanging out with our friends, Lou and Sarah, watching movies for the evening. I considered joining them but opted to stay home and go to bed early. As I headed to bed, I did my usual night time routine of making sure all the doors are locked, including the door to the garage. This would be a problem in about 2 hours. Katie got back home at 12:30. She did not have a key to the garage door with her, I was knocked out, the cordless phone was in the living room and our door bell was broken. Below are some excerpts from an e-mail thread describing the lock-out.

Katie:
"As I was driving home I thought "I hope Greg didn't lock the door." I know he does that out of habit. He's locked me out when I've gone to work out after dinner. Anyway, sure enough, the door was locked. I called and left a message. Then I called again and left another message. Then I just started pounding on the door. Our doorbell doesn't work right now either, so going to the front door wasn't even an option. Grr."

Greg:
"You could've knocked on the window, but that would've scared the crap out of me when I woke up."

Katie:
"Yeah, but I wouldn't have wanted him to come after me with a bat or something. Been there, done that."

...

Katie:
"It happened when we were in our apartment. We had plans to go to a high school football playoff game with a friend, but Greg got sick. I went ahead and went anyway. Well, when I came home, Greg had been in a medicine induced sleep. He heard me coming in, but was kind of out of it. I guess he thought someone was breaking into the apartment or something because he came out of the bedroom with some sort of weapon (a piece of wood? Part of the bed frame? I don't remember) raised above his head like he was going to whack the intruder with it, except that it wasn't an intruder. It was his wife and it scared the ever-living daylights out of me."

In the end, Katie made enough noise to spook Norm. His barking startled me awake. I quickly realized what I had done and rushed to open the door. I found a not so happy Katie holding a sleepy Lily. Everyone seems happy now, so we'll just put that behind us.

Mission Accomplished

Sorry this is disgusting, but it's bound to happen when a toddler and dog live together. I finally timed everything perfectly yesterday so Lily would step in a fresh present of mine in the back yard. It was great. Now she's worried because her shoes are "yucky" in the garage. They haven't been cleaned off enough to be brought inside yet. I rule.

Sleepwalking Dog

Some of you may remember the video of me talking in my sleep a while back.



Well, I was surfing the web today and found this video on funnyordie.com.

Sleepwalking Dog - watch more funny videos

Boy, am I glad I don't sleepwalk!

Sick Household

We've been a sick household this week. Lily went to the doctor on Monday and then again on Thursday. She was diagnosed with RSV and then an ear infection. She started antibiotics for the ear infection yesterday and seems to be doing better. My people knew she was feeling pretty crummy from the RSV, but I don't think they had any idea her ears were bothering her. She's a trooper. This is her first ear infection ever, so they're pretty grateful for that. My big girl person started getting sick a couple of days ago. They spent a lot of time this week sitting on the couch with a blanket...a Mizzou blanket, of course. I've spent my time hiding in the bedroom away from the sickos. My bald person hasn't gotten it yet. I'm keeping my paws crossed for him. Winston's people, if you're reading this, yes Lily still likes those glasses you let her take home after her visit.

On a more exciting note, Lily is officially in her big girl room sleeping in a big girl bed. I'll post pictures once the room is complete. It's not really decorated yet, it just has bedding and furniture. My people were worried about the transition, especially with her getting sick right when they made the switch, but she's done great. I guess the true test will be what she decides to do once she's feeling 100%. Now that she's sleeping in a big girl bed with a big girl pillow, she wakes up with some awesome bed head. Here's a picture from after her nap today.

I've tried going in her new room during the day and sleeping on her bed, but someone always finds me and shews me off. I don't get it. Maybe I'll have to try it at night sometime.